Hehe, forgot

Yeah, so I kinda "forgot" to blog these past days... not because they were terrible, I was just lazy :P
So yesterday I was thinking a lot, I'm moving back to my parents, they are tiny bit better than living alone with my grandmother. And I think I know how to keep "happy" and/or "focused". I feel like when I eat I am destroying something I've been working on. So that is my contemporary (.. probably not using this word in the right context, but I hope you know what I mean) purpose, just to get thin. You may have noticed my "goal weights" at the bottom of this page. Well, they are helping me, and I think what I can do now is just think how to get there, just think about one goal at a time so I won't go crazy hehe :P

I almost fasted all of last weekend, my sister asked me if I had anorexia or wanted to get anorexia... just because I hadn't had breakfast and she kept trying to smell my breath to check if I had that "empty-stomach-breath" and she was just wraarg she's too annoying. I really dislike my family and relatives :S

I don't know though if I'll keep this blog up much :P Might put something in here occasionally. Otherwise you can find me on PrettyThin.com under beginnerana =)

Oh and btw, just bought this for my Ibiza trip in may, it's like 4-5 numbers too small, but I'll look so good once I get there...

Food Diary day 1

Going to Ibiza in May, can't mention that enough.

Today I had more than I intended to, but I'm feeling hungry now and it's just past 9 pm so I guess I'm good.

Tangerine
Veggie Burrito and Orange Soda
Boiled fish and lettuce with Feta
3 slices of pizza

Tomorrow I'm gonna try to make the meals smaller, and more even, and also more water.

Hey so...

I'm starting a food diary, for the next 6 months. I'm hoping to be my ultimate goal weight (UGW) by my birthday in May, and also wouldn't hurt to be looking good in a bikini on IBIZA! Looking so forward!

I binged tonight, on pizza, it's terrible, I almost had it planned, didn't even try to contain myself.

I like my friend, I'm starting to like him more and more, and today a mutual friend of ours told me he was also into me, I don´t know though. I don't want to do anything, he lives far away and I think it would be better to wait a few years, but that's hard, but I don't know how to be in a relationship, and I think he doesn't either, neither of us are ready.

I'm just a bit confused, doing terribly at school, just very very terribly and exams coming up.

Today was terrible, tomorrow will be better. Then weigh-in on Monday, always on Monday, except if I'm on my period :P then I'll skip it until the next Monday.

Ok, so food diary, and also the time I go to sleep and wake up.

I could go on and on, but I think I should stop, it's getting late and that's when I start to bable... oh and I noticed I've got 2 followers, hi there you two =) hope you'll like reading me.

Plan?

I don't know what to do really. I keep making up new and new plans. And never stick to them. So I need a simple plan, or an easy plan. But the thing is lifestyle change. I never thought of that, I just thought diets diets diets and it has just got me in a worse place, a typical yo-yo case here.

Setting too high goals has always been my issue, I think loosing 10kg in a month is just the simplest thing ever because I did it once or twice a while back. But it is really tempting to set a goal to be under 70kg in 2011.

Maybe I should start with that one goal? No matter how I get there, I know what to do, eat less and exercise more. I should keep that on my mind.

Keep it on my mind at all times? Keep it on my mind, keep it keep it keep it on my mind.

Before 2011 I have a goal to be under 70kg.

Now I know this is a really really big goal, but I set it anyway? And I know I'm gonna have a Domino's pizza binge soon. So why do I keep that goal? Because I believe so strongly in myself? Loosing 10kg over the Christmas Holidays is not something everyone does. But I'm going to try to avoid all the cookies, I don't even like them that much, also all the puddings, they're too creamy and fatty. At least I'm going to try to skip the sweet stuff.

What to do with cravings :S? Erm girl, you have a fridge full of klementines and kiwis, try having one of them once in a while instead of toast or some icky bread.

Water is your friend.

Heavy to light

Bought my very own scale today! Now I'll obsess with weighing myself yay.
Also started the ABC today, won't follow it very thoroughly I know think I had a little over my limit today, but I'm not eating more as dinner is over :P

I'm also adding a twist to it, which is that I can eat as much sushi as I like ^-^

Sushi is gooood, and very healthy.

80kg november 22nd 2010

Mission one failed, new up

Fine... the first awesome mission failed... how? Oh, I just had a slice of pizza and a donut. Weak, that is very weak.

Going to gym class now. UPDATE: Fail, only three of us showed up so they just sent us home, gotta go to the gym later today.

Mission Two: Gym today, tomorrow, and the next.

This needs to start. I need to have everything perfect, set up in certain order.

I already eat no candy, I now gotta stop with the sweets, cakes all that. Then gotta limit my bread intake way more.

 You want to fit in your cat-suit?

So when I go to the gym I'll weigh myself. It's gonna be a shocker, but I need something like that to keep my focus.

Call me delicate

It's coming again, I can feel it.

I deleted my old blog, I thought I was well, these thoughts withdrew, they're back, coming for what they never got.

Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow...

It doesn't work, it's just now or never.


I keep planning, planning and planning, I don't need that I need a different mind, my weak mind destroys itself if he keeps this up.
My clothes don't fit, I'm not fit, everyone's saying it, I need to prove them wrong, need to , have to, I just must.
I might be being overdramatic, but I feel like this, like I'm a complete failure. So I'm setting up a set of missions.

My first mission is a 4 day water fast.